August 24, 2020

Feel Like You Are Not Measuring Up?

I don’t know about any of you, but many times in my life, I have felt like I didn’t measure up.  And I know I am not the only one.

The fear of not measuring up causes so much unbalance in our life! It shows up when we tell ourselves we are not worthy of (fill in the blank).  I don’t deserve (fill in the blank).  I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I could keep going and have a whole blog just on the degrading statements we tell ourselves consciously and subconsciously!

Field (Career):

Let’s start with field. I was a teacher for 21 years and loved it.  But one of the stressors I added on my plate was always feeling like I wasn’t good enough or like I wasn’t doing enough for my students.  I was constantly afraid people would find out that I wasn’t a good teacher, which is crazy for the amount of hours I poured into becoming a better teacher, planning for all ability levels, and learning more and more techniques to improve my teaching methods.  Because of this, I burned out.  I have no one to blame but myself for that.  I had concerned co-workers tell me to slow down, but I didn’t know how.  And, I had many wonderful students and parents who would sing my praises, and yet, there was that inkling of doubt.  No wonder I have Fibromyalgia!

Clients thankful for what I was able to accomplish with them.

When I was working with my sister in the interior design industry, I felt that I was not as good as her and could never measure up.  My sister never made me feel that way; it was all on me.  Even after one of my jobs was published in a magazine, I thought they made a mistake.  And yet, I have clients who are so thankful for educating them on beautifying their spaces.  They tell me their redesigned space is a reflection of them and that it functions so much better than it did before working with me.

Remember when I said I’m not perfect, but I continue to work on bettering myself?

Even in my new adventure of Life Coaching, I have to stop myself when self-doubt creeps in – like who do I think I am believing I can have a job working from home.  Again, I have clients that affirm that I have helped them grow and accomplish goals and dreams they thought were out of their reach.  But now, I have the tools to quickly change that thinking.  I am able to pivot the negative blocker into an accelerator in the form of an affirmation. Here are some examples:

  • I am worthy of working at the job of my dreams.
  • I deserve to work from home.
  • I am capable of learning new tasks to have a successful life coaching business. (cough-cough technology)
  • I am a good listener for those I serve.
  • I am disciplined in reaching my goals and dreams.
  • I am passionate about helping and educating others.
  • I am grateful for my wonderful clients.

Fitness in regards to body image:

We are so bombarded by images and sayings that we should act, look, dress, or use certain products in order to be the sexiest or slimmest or most popular.  It makes it so difficult to learn to love yourself.

Interestingly enough, there was a woman who posted about how she is tired of trying to compete with the airbrushed, edited bodies of women being published today.  It brought up some great conversations in the comments.

I’m not saying men don’t have this issue, but for women, I do believe it is harder because our body goes through so many changes in our lifetime.  We go from our teen years to when our bodies are “mature” enough to become pregnant, to pregnancy, to after pregnancy, perimenopause, menopause… And that doesn’t include any chronic health issues you may begin to have. Just when we are ready to accept the body we have, it changes, and you go through the whole cycle all over again.

Some of my favorite affirmations for body image are:

  • I am grateful for the curves of my body.
  • I am grateful for the scars my body has endured as it has allowed me to come out stronger.

Parenting:

In a previous post called I Hate When my Children Suffer, I wrote about parenting.  Parenting isn’t much better than body image in the sense that everyone has an opinion of what you should be doing.  Usually, outsiders make judgements after only seeing a very small snippet of your life as a parent which makes their opinions even more frustrating.

Even without the outside influences, it is easy to second guess yourself as a parent.  You want to trust your children without allowing them to gas lamp you.  You want to give them the discipline they need to know boundaries and feel safe but not staunched.  You wonder if you are giving them enough responsibilities. Again, the list is endless.

Here are a few affirmations for parenting:

  • I am teaching my children the meaning of humility.
  • I show up in my children’s lives so they know I am here for them.
  • I am grateful my children trust me enough to come to me when they need help with something they are dealing with.

I’ve always been a spiritual person.

The last one, I’d like to talk about is faith.  I have to admit, this was one I had to really work on.  That doesn’t mean I wasn’t a spiritual person; I was just struggling with the faith I was raised in.  It seems absurd to me now that when I was in 4th grade, I wanted to become a nun, and then in my twenties, I began questioning my faith.  Talk about a swing in feelings.  The struggle was that I felt held back, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing that feeling.  After much persistence, searching, and anguish, I finally realized what it was.  I did not feel worthy of taking a seat in church.  I didn’t think I measured up to all the other people around me – people who, I felt, deserved the spot more. I know, what was I thinking!

Once I figured this out, I was able to retrain my brain, especially the subconscious mind, by stating these affirmations:

  • I am worthy of God’s love.
  • I am deserving to sit in church to become closer to God.

Retrain your thinking.

My hope is that by showing you how you can retrain your thinking, you will see more of the amazing possibilities that can open up for you. Remember the negative blocker language has been programmed in your subconscious mind for years, so it will take time to retrain that thinking.  But, it is not impossible. The more you put into your affirmations determines how quickly this can happen.  As a Life Coach, I help clients uncover their OolaBlockers and help them pivot by using OolaAccelerators and affirmations.  If you are in need of help in this area, let me know below (private) or sign up for the unique Oola 10-Week Coaching Program with yours truly as your coach.

Together, we are Positively Powerful!

 

 

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