August 17, 2020

Either Work on Your Marriage or Work on Your Divorce.

We have a saying in Oola: Either work on your marriage or work on your divorce. Such a powerful statement!

As I look back at my 29 years of marriage…

My husband and I, like most couples, have had our ups and downs. I think our darkest days were when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. As I have said before, for about 10 years, I was just existing due to pain and fatigue from Fibro. Well, our marriage was just existing too. I didn’t have the energy to put the time and effort needed into my marriage, and it showed. My husband stepped in and did the job of mom AND dad, and to top it off, he was going into a depression as well because of the stress of his job – plus the stress of the extra duties at home and not feeling like he had a companion anymore.

Fear was our overhanging cloud.

When I look back at it now, it was a heavy, dark, and menacing cloud. There was so much fear. Fear of:

  • Will my life with Fibro always be like this?
  • When can I be a part of this marriage again, a full contributor like I used to be?
  • Am I attractive to my significant other anymore?
  • If things can’t change with the Fibro, can I continue living like this?

Together, we choose to save our marriage.

Instead of allowing the fear to take its grip on us, which it was close to doing, my Mr. and I decided to do this together and pull ourselves out of the pit of despair TOGETHER. We choose the OolaAccelerators to save our marriage: Gratitude, Love, Discipline, Integrity, Passion, Humility, and Wisdom.

We knew we didn’t really want to even think about divorce. We wanted to make it work. As I was able to find ways to gain more energy, we poured that energy into our marriage and family.

Gratitude was the start.

For me, gratitude was the stepping stone to help get all the other accelerators going again. As I started to tell my husband why I was grateful for him, changes began to happen. It felt like a seedling starting to grow in the light and warmth of the sun with a sprinkle of rain for good measure. It’s interesting to me that by telling him how grateful I was for even the simplest of things, the trust between us began to grow, and we were able to speak of topics we were afraid of discussing before. This in turn helped us love ourselves and each other with more passion. Not necessarily the between-the-sheets kind of passion for you dirty minds out there. Hehe! I know I am guilty of TMI, but this is G-rated!

We were disciplined enough to keep showing up for one another. As I was able to lessen my symptoms of Fibro more and more, it was easier to show up the way I wanted to and needed to for my marriage.

Fibro kicked my marriage into a life of fear.

But we didn’t let it win! In the end, it actually brought us gifts we never would have expected. Here are a few:

  • We increased our wisdom of each other.
  • We used more humility and integrity in our words and actions.
  • We became even more passionate about: “In sickness and in health”
  • Our love for ourselves and each other deepened more than we could have ever imagined.
  • We are disciplined in how we show up for each other.
  • We speak of our gratitude for one another daily.

Sometimes, when you are in the middle of all the fear, it is hard to know what truly is the right decision for you.

Luckily, our marriage was worth saving. However, there are many of you out there where divorce is the right option for you. Sometimes, when you are in the middle of all the fear, it is hard to know what is truly the right decision for you. As a Life Coach, that is what I do. I am the unbiased person that can help you with this decision and help you after the decision is made. If you would like, contact me below so we can chat. (It is private.) Or sign up for the unique 10-week Oola Coaching Program to get you on the right track.

Together, we are Positively Powerful!

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below

Leave a Reply: