- in Oola
In my last blog series, we focused on the OolaBlocker – Fear. Now, we are ready to go in another direction and discuss the OolaBlocker – Anger. The other five blockers are Guilt, Self-Sabotage, Laziness, Envy, and Lack of Focus. Anger happens to not only be a common blocker but a strong one as well. Anger is one of those OolaBlockers that can get its tethers into you, and it doesn’t let go easily. When I think of anger, I think of the Mucinex commercial with the slimy, suctioning beasts that don’t want to go away. Even though the commercial it is meant to be humorous, there is nothing funny about being in the clutches of something that won’t go away – something like anger.
I have witnessed the damages of anger in my family circle.
Like many of us, I have a family member that I struggle to connect with. Embarrassingly, I often use anger when communicating with this person. I KNOW. I should know better! But, I admit I am Practically Perfect – not Perfectly Perfect.
Learning how to handle my anger and what triggers my anger with this person helps in how I choose to react. It is important for me to understand my limitations and to retrain my brain to respond differently when I deal with this person. I admit that sometimes I have trouble keeping calm. I am a work in progress. What’s interesting is I am typically a very calm person. Sure, I get excited easily enough, but it takes a lot to get me angry.
As I analyze my family member’s anger, I have realized what is holding him back, and when I work with clients who struggle with anger, I can see some of the same things holding them back as well. There are some common threads that weave their way around the emotion of anger.
Living a Life of Regret:
People living with anger often have so much regret about what was or was not done in life – all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. This regret can tear down the strongest person.
For example, I wish I knew about Dave Ramsey and his financial teachings back in my early twenties. There are so many things I would have done differently when it came to my finances. I even had a friend who started using the Dave Ramsey Method twenty years ago, but because discussing finances was considered taboo, I didn’t ask her more questions. I didn’t stop to learn how I could be better with my money. Looking back, I know the timing wasn’t right. I had to make my mistakes and learn from them first. I could be angry that it took me so long to get where I am today, that I made too many mistakes. But, instead of staying in the emotion of regret, I put on my big girl pants, put my nose to the grindstone and learned how I can do things better. And, I will educate anyone around me who wants to know about a better way to handle finances.
Another common thread I see among people harboring anger is the tendency to blame others for what life has done to them. They don’t take responsibility for the things going on in their own life. The three simple steps of Oola – Oola Wheel, Oola Plan, and Oola Path – help you do just that. YOU are in control of your life. When you have a bump in the road, you have the skills to make it through that bump, to pivot, and to start again. Does this mean everything you have set out for your life goes EXACTLY how you planned it? No, but how you choose to view it and go forward shows, how even in adversity, you can make a shift and still get joy out of life.
Fear of the Unknown:
When faced with something you do not have control over and don’t understand, it is easy to use fear and anger to push people away rather than listening and learning. Many who use anger in this way, don’t want others to know that they don’t understand what is being discussed. A quick way to put an end to the conversation is to become angry so the subject is dropped.
Rather than looking at unknowns as a scary thing, embracing knowledge helps you make informed decisions. You may not agree with the person trying to teach you, but at least you can learn why they feel or think the way they do. You may even discover you have very similar beliefs, but you simply look at things differently.
The last thread I have observed is that angry people tend to feel threatened easily. I believe this is due to low self-esteem, as well as, a lack of knowledge, as discussed in the previous paragraph.
I often picture a rattlesnake all coiled up, rattling its tail to tell you to stay away. It is no different for the person feeling threatened. The thought is if I strike first I will scare them enough to go away or change the subject.
Anger is similar to fear. It closes you off from learning more. It keeps you from finding empathy for others, and it prevents you from living the life YOU have always dreamed for yourself. This is why I feel anger can be one of the most negative OolaBlockers. If you are dealing with anger in your life or you have a close family member or friend who is, contact me for a chat. I can help you learn the tools you need to stop focusing on anger so you can live a better, happier life.
Together, we are Positively Powerful!